Strung Out On Options

"This is where free will gets you," says lead character Ted Mosby of the TV sitcom "How I Met Your Mother." Perhaps its true. Having a million options on where to go and what to do strings you out and turns you into a crazy person. There is no way in a short life time you can be everything or everywhere in the world. You can only hope to experience your life and see it as a fantastic journey. I would like that perspective. I am so confused and strung out on options. I don't know what I want to do or what is worth doing. But I want to do something. I just want to be able to cast a line out into the ocean and see what I catch. I don't know. I'm giving up on this "life as I plan it" thing. I just want to find a way to be happy. Fame and fortune be damned. "Making it" be damned. I am only a person and it is a waste of time and energy to try to force these things. I want to live a life of doing good, helping, and self-fulfillment. I don't want to be strung out on choices and adventure. I want to have something come up that I can't ignore. A path that is good and worthy. How did I make it this far without any concrete skills?

I hardly even feel like doing anything unless I have something else to follow up right behind it. I'm excited about reading my book now, but only because I finally have other borrowed books to go to after I'm done. I'm watching tv, but I'm enjoying it because I know I have a book to read when I get bored of TV. I also have plenty of art projects to do and I'm putting them off because once they're done, what will I do? Better to procrastinate and have endless possibilities at my fingertips.

The truth is there is always only one option, one thing to do, and that is what you are doing right now. I need to get my head out of my ass.

But, if its not asking to much, I could really use a sign as to where to go next.